Ever think about something so much that
you put yourself in a bad mood? Not so much a bad mood as in “angry”,
but a bad mood as in “sour” or “sad”. I find that happening
all too much to me lately. I think about what I am missing, what I
have missed and still what I will
miss because I am away at this adventure in life called the Disney
College Program, and I end up putting myself in a “sour rut”. It
doesn't really have an effect on my work, or relationship with my
friends, but it does seem to effect how I view the rest of my time
here.
It has
been 3 months as of yesterday and I have 5 more months to go. I have
seen the Magic Kingdom transform overnight from summer celebrations
to the soothing colors of autumn and just a touch of Halloween has
shown up as well.
Should things go well for me, I should also be
blessed to see the turnaround from Halloween to Christmas within the
one day the celebrations change. I am just as excited as ever to see
the holidays here at Disney, if not more excited than ever before!
The more I look forward to the holidays and the celebrations that
take place, the more I am reminded of the celebrations I will be
missing back at home. I won't see the costume party at Olivet, I will
not be home for Christmas, not even New Years! Thanksgiving is a
whole different type of matter. I have no clue what I will be doing
for any part of November! The opportunity to play in the parks
whenever I so feel like it (so long as I do not have to work) and
being around so much culture and cuisines pale in comparison to the
fun, excitement, love, compassion, and warmth that I get from my
professors, associates and friends back at Olivet Nazarene
University. One massive understatement as follows: I miss them.
The
thoughts in my mind can change, but what is in my heart is set; I
miss my professors, friends, family, dorm room, campus, weather, the
quietness of Olivet, the loudness of Chicago, the late nights doing
nothing, the early mornings frantically studying, the afternoon naps,
Allen and Wrench (my two guitars), spontaneity with friends, and
chapel. Yes, I miss chapel!
Granted, I never had a problem with going to chapel in the first
place, but now that I realize it's happening without me, I miss it
even more!
With
all this sad, sob-ish stuff filling my brain and oozing from my
heart, I have to find some way of cheering myself up and so here it
is. In the 3 months that I have been here, I have come to realize a
few things about myself that I do not think I would have noticed
unless I came here specifically. They are as follows:
- I am ACTUALLY a Leader.
- I have immensely strong emotions that are not easily faltered.
- I am capable of refocusing myself in times of confusion.
- I know how to “let go” of things that weigh me down.
- I now know more about the things that try to weigh me down.
I am
sure that a lot of my friends and family would probably say a lot of
these things about me as is, but now that I am here (AWAY) from my
friends and family, I have noticed things about myself that have been
reflected from other people. The comments they say to me, the
compliments I receive and the criticism have all been proof of what I
have listed, and now I see
it in myself.
Now
that my longing feelings have been expelled and my wisdom now
expounded upon, I will leave with the message that I am super blessed
to even be accepted into this program and I will do my best to see it
through with all my heart and soul. God placed me here and once
again, I will follow His lead. After all, my heart can only grow
fonder of the things I miss the most. Yet the things I miss the most
are already fond of me!
